Recovering, or PLSD

I've been laid off 5 times.

The first- my job moved to a different city, and didn't take me with it.
The 2nd- I was low on the pole at a business that experienced seasonal swings. They hired me back in a different position within 6 weeks. 
Third- poorly managed company closed.
Less than six months later:  the 4th- I have no idea what happened.  40 of us lost our jobs that day and I'm still not entirely sure why.
The 5th was the most painful- a job I loved, a company I would have worked for for decades if they'd let me.


Because of the number of times I've been axed, you'd think I'd be used to it by now.  That I'd be able to shake it off and move on, thick skinned and armor plating.

If anything though, each layoff made it worse.  The last one...  I wasn't sure I'd make it through to the other side after that one.  It's been over a year and a half now and I'm just starting to feel the fog lift. 

I was joking with a friend about "PLSD" (post layoff stress disorder) and by no means am I trying to trivialize PTSD, but the more I think of it, the more I'm convinced PLSD is real.  My fight or flight is on overload, any sort of job or work-related criticism (real or perceived) puts me in a panic, terrified at the prospect of another layoff, even though they were all out of the blue, sneak attack, ninja job losses and not performance-related.  I continually wonder if today's the day they'll decide to outsource, or condense, or switch or move or change and I'll be out.  If today's the day they decide I'm expendable. 

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

One Degree of Separation

Other than my husband, my best friend is Drew.  We met in college, a hundred years ago, and have remained close ever since.

Drew graduated from college yesterday, and I couldn't be prouder of him.  I know it was difficult to go back after all these years, and he did it with a complete focus change- he was a history major originally, who went in to retail management.  Now he's the proud owner of a shiny new CIS degree, and is ready to wield it with a vengeance.

I'm also trying to get my degree, finally, I've mentioned it before.  I've always wanted to, but it wasn't ever a necessity until I moved to Kansas.  Well, more specifically- until I moved to Lawrence, KS, home of the University of Kansas and a pretty nice place to live.   Seems there's a glut of degree holders in the area, and those of us without... well...

It's very frustrating, why would anyone NEED a degree to do what I do? (executive/administrative assistant/secretary- not what I do now, but to be honest- IMO my current job doesn't need a degree either) If I did have a degree, I doubt I'd be a secretary. I'd be doing something IN MY FIELD. I don't know anybody who has a 4 year degree in secretary.  I have students right now who are graduating in a week who have NO clue what they're going to do and NO job prospects. But they're going to be able to go out and get a job that pays more than I get, simply because they have the paper.  It makes me question the value of a college degree.

So why am I proud of Drew?  Because I know he's going to USE his degree in the manner it's supposed to be used- as the starting point, not the end point.  That's my plan too, to use what I learn as a jumping off point in a career I choose, not just a job I can get.


Anyway- off to sign up for Algebra.  ;)

Toniiiiight... I'm Not Younnnng!

I work with college students. Well, I guess technically college students work FOR me, but we do a lot together during the week, I couldn't do it without them, they couldn't do it the same way without me.

Anyway- one of the things I hear over and over is that working with students "will keep you young!"

I call BS.

What it does is make me FEEL young, until it is obvious that I'm not. Once again- I beg your indulgence to stay with me.

I have some fairly hard partying employees, who aren't afraid to discuss their adventures with and around me. God help me- it sounds fun. "Let's do a Pedal Hopper!" "Let's go to martini night!" "Let's go out on a Wednesday night!" I want to go out on a Wednesday, without worrying about getting up at 5:45am on Thursday. I want to go to martini night without worrying about where Kate is while I'm at the Eldridge.

Heck yeah! Raise your glass!

But I can't. At least, I can't go out with my students. That would be frowned upon by the University, and it would probably skeeve people out.

So I sit at home and feel old. 9:00 on a Friday? BEDTIME. Crazy times on a Wednesday? Doing laundry. Never be never be anything but loud? Where are my earplugs??

Toniiiight... We're Not Younnnnng!

No. I refuse. I don't want to be old, I don't want to be stodgy. I want to be Magnus

Magnus is one of my favorite people, always at home in my heart, even though I haven't seen him in a decade. 10 years ago, Magnus was 53 (10 years older than I am now), and he sailed around the world with ASSA ABLOY. Four years ago, he sailed around the world with a crew so green they were practically fluorescent, and finished 4th overall, even after a disastrous run to Singapore.

After I got laid off (for the 5th time) in 2010, I was afraid. I've reached "an age" where one more layoff will effectively kill any career I've pursued. So I sold myself short, tried to get the "stable" job, the job that wouldn't challenge me, but wouldn't can me either. I got lucky with my gig, I am CONTINUALLY challenged. (Did I mention I work with college students??) and to be honest, I don't think I'm very good at it, but it is stable. I'm able to keep my feet under me, and look ahead.

Looking ahead now gives me hope. I may not be young, but contrary to popular opinion among my young coworkers, I'm far from old. I'm going places in my life.

But for now- anybody wanna go on a Pedal Hopper?